My name is Becky and I was born in Hermiston Oregon as a result of an affair. I’ve never felt like I was wanted. I felt like as I entered the world I destroyed my dad’s family. So my whole life I’ve strived for meaning, belonging and love. All I’ve wanted is to be accepted.
My parents loved me but were very busy with a huge restaurant business that felt like it was more important than me. The words “I don’t have time for this” and “you don’t understand” were driven into my soul. I know my parents loved me but that were both hurt as children coming from very broken homes. They did the best they could do with what they had. They lavished me with expensive gifts and trips but this never met the needs of my soul for unconditional love and acceptance.
As I grew into adulthood I continued to search for that emptiness to be filled. The easy route was to look for someone who was more broken than me. This lead to a life filled with negative choices. These life choices lead to dysfunctional relationships, separation from my family because of lifestyle choices, depression and a life of substance abuse. Not finding what I was looking for lead to a deeply frustrated life, which led to anger and violence, which lead to being guilt ridden for all that happened and all that I had done.
I finally reached out to my sister because I hoped she’d be willing to forgive me. God lead me to her. I heard Him say, “let it fall apart, give in you don’t have to cling on to your home and this broken life any longer.” I realized if I didn’t let go of the life I had I wouldn’t make it and neither would my children. I just had to follow God’s leading and trust. This is where I found Hannah’s House. My sister said she would take care of my son Luke for a year and I brought my daughter Leah with me.
While at Hannah’s House, I am finding a sense of relief not having to live my life in fear. God is here with me and has his hands wrapped around me. I am able to breath and sleep with a feeling of safety. The staff here is always a good source of guidance that I never could find before. Teaching me that Jesus is my savior and my life of depression is forgiven. I have learned that the bad things I have gone through are just a way for God to bring me closer to Him. My sins are forgiven. I have also learned to forgive first, without question, to love always, and to be like Christ. I am anxious to find more ways to grow and make my life full of the Lords ways.